Being Gay in: The Midwest
Did you know that 73 countries still criminalize consensual same-sex acts between adults?
My view on LGBTQ related issues has changed since leaving America. I used to think that we as a nation were all fighting for equality, but after being exposed to other places in the world, where these issues are blatantly ignored, I quickly changed my mind.
As I’ve witnessed my community be treated less than equal, I’ve made it my duty to bring these inequality many countries impose to light. As I travel, I will be sharing my experiences in other countries as a person who identifies as gay in a new series called “Being Gay In…”. I hope that this series on Travel Too Much will encourage others to share their stories as well.
When I visit a new country I always keep one question in mind, “ is being LGBTQ highly tolerated or fully accepted?”
Before I jump into sharing my experiences in other countries, let me start with a little insight into what it was like growing up gay in middle America.
The Midwest
I was born and raised in good ol’Kansas City, Missouri. …and yes, Kansas City is split between Missouri and Kansas!
Growing up in the Midwest had its challenges—and growing up gay in the Midwest didn’t make it any easier. Most of my life LGBTQ individuals were not socially accepted, and I wasn’t sure if that was ever going to change.
As a child, I’d hear those famous words, “boys don’t do that!”
Growing up in Missouri felt scripted to me. The toys I’d play with, the haircut I had, and the clothes I wore were all predetermined due to the fact that I was a boy. When I could make my own decisions, I started to express myself more. I had all girlfriends even when the guys said it was weird. I played basketball and with barbies, and I even made my grandmother get the girls toy when ordering a happy meal at McDonald's. As I grew out of my adolescence, I was constantly labeled as being “different."
Growing up “different” wasn’t easy in the Midwest. Children as early as 2 years old start to notice gender and racial differences in one another, and growing up in a school where my racial background was less common made me feel like I didn’t belong. Missouri even to this day is 59% white, and being a gay brown kid in my school made it hard to connect with others. In elementary school the mindless jokes about my skin tone, the shape of my nose, and my curly hair that made me feel like an outcast.
High school wasn’t much different. Everyone wore Hollister and just wanted to fit in, and I decided to come out. I came out to all my friends when I was 16 and was honestly scared shitless. I thought coming out was going to be my biggest challenge while in high school… that was until I started to date. Most of the gay guys in the Midwest were white, and most of them were looking for other white men. I would often hear, “You are cute for a black guy,” and I’d think to myself, what does that even mean? Time and time again I was overlooked by my own LGBTQ community.
If there is no struggle, there is no progress
In Missouri, we have been trying to make a change to the law so that it includes sexual orientation since 1998. Missouri’s Nondiscrimination Act, (MONA) would add sexual orientation and gender identity to Missouri’s Human Rights Act, but this act has been pending in Missouri’s state legislator for over 20 years.
We have made some advancements on a federal level. On May 17, 2019, the US House of Representatives passed the Equality Act! This bill would protect everyone from discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity in the United States of America. Most states list “sex” as a protected class which refers to one’s gender at birth, but sexual orientation is based on a person’s preference in sexual partners. Therefore discrimination against sexual orientation is not technically protected under “sex” in many states. The Equality Act would explicitly protect LGBTQ individuals as it outlines discrimination based on sexual orientation. This bill is going to be sent to the Senate and will undergo review.
Let us not forget that the fight for equality has always been a struggle in America. It took until1865 for slavery to be abolished. Women wouldn’t legally vote until 1920, and the Voting Rights Acts of 1965 eventually prohibited voting racial discrimination, allowing people of color to finally vote. Individuals of the same sex couldn’t become a union until 2000, and gay marriage was only legalized on a federal level 4 years ago.
Inequality anywhere is a treat to justice everywhere, and as a nation, we need to be making changes to become more inclusive. Adding federal laws that protect everyone would be a step in the right direction.
Highly tolerated for fully accepted?
Based on my personal experience in the America, and due to the fact there are currently 28 states in America that have no laws protecting people from discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity, I have come to the conclusion that the LGBTQ community is only tolerated.
In Missouri, The Missouri Human Rights prohibits discrimination on color, religion, race, national origin, sex, disability, age, familial status, but it does not include sexual orientation or gender identity. For many years one’s “sex” has been listed as a protected class, but it doesn’t explicitly list discrimination based on gender identify or sexual orientation.
If it isn’t explicitly said then discrimination can still exist!
As a LGBTQ traveler
In 2019, I decided to quit my job to explore the world. As I travel to other counties I have witnessed the lack of LGBTQ rights, so I decided to create this series. This is a series where we can share our stories in order to get a better understanding of the world we live in. I have made it my mission to spread the word, educate, and learn.
When I first had plans to take off to travel I wasn’t sure if I wanted to visit countries who weren’t open to the LGBTQ community. The idea of exploring a country where same-sex sexual activity is illegal honestly was terrifying, but traveling to other countries where LGBTQ individuals aren’t treated as equals is so important. There are people all over the world who are looking for representation. Holding my partners hand in a place where it’s illegal sends a message. It says that we are here. We aren’t going anywhere and we will no longer hide.
The “Being Gay In…” Series
This is a new series on Travel Too Much! As I travel to multiple countries I will be sharing my experiences as a gay traveler and the stories of locals who grew up in that specific country. The stories will give us a better understanding if being LGBTQ is only tolerated vs being fully accepted. Sharing current events other countries are currently facing will only educate us as a community even further as we fight for equality.
America and many other countries today choose to ignore LGBTQ related issues, which makes sharing our stories even more important.
Let’s take time to notice the things that others are overlooking.
Now let’s hear from you! I would love to hear from you and your experiences growing up LGBTQ! If you have a story that you would like to share email us at hello@traveltoomuch or share them in the comments below.
I guess I should get into the budgeting part… it’s probably the main reason why you clicked. So after traveling in the Philippines for 28 days, in Singapore for 5 days, and Malaysia 60 days in Malaysia, I’ve come to the conclusion that Southeast Asia is fu*king CHEAP compared to the USA.